Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 1
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Lost my girlfriend! Was it me or the phentermine?
Please forgive such a long forum entry, but I really need someone who can help me to understand what has happened to me. My girlfriend of one year, "Elsa," quit me back on June 6th (for the purposes of this story, I'll call myself Stan and my girlfriend Elsa). I am 46 and Elsa is 41. Elsa is asthmatic, takes albuterol and uses an inhaler (I can't remember what medicine she takes via the inhaler). She also has episodes of chest pains, which a specialist has suggested may be anxiety-based, although she does not take medication for this. Our relationship had always been a very passionate one, we had great fun together and always tried to defuse problems by talking them out immediately. Sometime around late April/early May, she began having body weight issues. She said that she had gained a lot of weight during her initial battles with asthma (she had been 'diagnosed' within the last 2-3 years, I believe) and she wanted to get back down to her customary weight of around 140 lb. When she decided this, her height was 5'4", she weighed about 170 lb. and her BMI was a little under 30. She went to a doctor who sent her to a diet professional and she was given phentermine 37.5, which I believe she began taking in the last part of May. Very soon afterwards, she was bursting with energy at the job we both work at, but I didn't see her outside of the job for a little bit of time as I was working with my son's pony league baseball team (I have 2 sons, 10 and 13, while she has a 21-year-old daughter). She became distant and aloof seemingly almost instantly. I went to see her on, I think, June 1 and she would not sit next to me on her couch until I kind of nudged her over to me even though she was very happy with me as late as May 26th, when she went for a short outing with some friends of hers and e-mailed her love. Then, on June 6th, 2008, it all came to a crashing halt. It was her birthday and I was trying to see if we could come up with plans for the two of us when she told me that she didn't feel any intimacy towards me anymore, stating that there were things that I had done and said that made her gradually "die inside." Among these things were a few times I would promise to come by if I got a chance, not be able to get by, but not call right away to let her know (we had a conversation months ago about this and I agreed that it was inconsiderate and promised never to let it happen again. And I didn't). Another thing that bothered her was that we had a conversation after I was late picking up my sons from school a couple of times (I should've been leaving her house earlier) during which I told her that no matter how good a time I'm having,"my kids come first," (before our private time) so I would have to leave her house earlier. She told me that she understood that the kids come first, so why should I say that except to "throw it in her face". If these things that I said or did were this bad, why did she not mention them when we always talk out things? She went on to tell me that for the vast part of our relationship, "everything was always Stan, Stan, Stan" and she said that she would ignore chances to be with her friends, do other things and go places to be with me. Elsa was feeling that she had kind of put her life on hold for me, and that she was going to 're-balance' her life. Since then we have seen each other almost exclusively at work. When once we e-mailed each other several times a week, she has e-mailed me twice since June 6. She usually will not call me unless it is to respond to a call I've left on her voicemail. Most of the time she is not unfriendly, but certainly reserved. A few times, though, she seemed to be a little flirty with me, so I'm not sure what to make of it. Also, I don't know if this is important, but I think she takes her pill when she gets home from work or when she wakes up in the afternoon (we are night workers, 11pm to 7am). I saw her on her birthday to give her present to her (she didn't know that I was coming) and a couple of weeks ago I saw her twice at home while I was fixing her computer. When I try to get together with her she waffles and says that she'll have to see 'how her schedule is' because she has so many things that she is trying to get taken care of. From what I have been reading about phentermine, though, in addition to conversations we have had at work, I’m sure that she is spending a great deal of time sleeping. Since our breakup, I know that she has begun to go out dancing every week (to help burn off calories and because she loves to dance, which I know to be true), and she has made a couple of other lifestyle changes. We have also had conversations in which she stated that she was tired of having to wait on her friends or others who 'slowed her down' when she was ready to do things or go places. In another conversation, I mentioned being worried about someone I know who is hallucinating, altough my choice of words was,"seeing things." Oddly, she became defensive and said, basically, that science tries to stigmatize people who 'see things'simply because it's beyond sciences understanding. This seemed so odd to me that it made me wonder whether she, too, was 'seeing things.' The last conversation I had with her, about the possibility of a reconciliation, had her tell me that although I was a 'nice' guy, there would never be anything inside of her for me than friendship. She felt that all her relationships with men turn sour because she gives so much love but doesn't feel that she really gets anything back. At her age, she said, what more could there be for her as far as relationships (reminder: she's only 41)? She basically said that she was giving up on sex and on men for the foreseeable future because she was incapable right now of feeling love for another man. Even as I type right now, I still have knots in my stomach because of the loss of her. I can't understand how things could have gotten like this. Elsa had always been a very sweet woman, one of the kindest and most loving women I have had the pleasure to know, but this change came absolutely out of nowhere. What could I have done? I tried to think of all the things that had changed between the last time she loved me and the day she dropped me. Eventually, I decided to do some research on phentermine and some of the side-effects may have some bearing upon what has happened. I don't believe in Jekyll-and-Hyde stuff, but could her sudden change of attitude have anything to do with her diet-pill usage, or am I just clutching at straws, unable to deal with something I may have done to bring this about? Is she just making changes in her life and I happen to be one of them? Should I wait for her to come off of this medicine and then try to reason with her, should I just swallow hard and try to get over her (even though I'm not sure I can), or can anyone suggest another alternative? Don't sugar-coat your answers or advice: I'm looking for information that I NEED to hear, whether or not I WANT to. By the way, I tried to keep this as short as possible, so don't hesitate to ask for additional details where necessary.
Last edited by Illustr8r : 12-06-2008 at 10:38 AM.
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